Lately I have been struggling with some health issues. I started on the medicine about a week and a half ago which I can tell us working, but as usual there are side effects one of which is affecting my singing. For those of you who don't know, I love to sing. I do it constantly. I thought “Why? Why would God put me in a position where I can’t sing praises to him? Doesn’t He know that’s my number one way of worshiping him?” At the same time, I’ve really been convicted about having a positive attitude no matter what your circumstances. So after lots of thinking and praying I have decided that I will have joy and have a good attitude no matter what. In my school's chapel (Axis) we talked about joy, gentleness and kindness. The speaker said something about her mother that really impacted me. She said despite the pain her mother has gone through with watching her brother and father have cancer AND having cancer herself, she has learned to allow her joy to coexist with her pain. Joy does not equal happiness and neither does it replace pain. Rather it is the decision to have a positive attitude in spite of the pain. This is what I am choosing to do.
My favorite verse says, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” 1 Thes 5:16-18 NIV. I am just now realizing how closely related those things are. In my striving to become joyful, I have prayed a lot more about it. And when they negative thoughts come to my head, I remember to be joyful by start thanking God for the things that ARE good! It’s a beautiful picture that only God could paint. By myself I am weak, pathetic and honestly quite a complainer. But with God I can learn to be better than that, but only with his power! I can be strong, have endurance and trust him to take care of it instead of worrying. (The worry is probably the root of my complaining anyway!)
No matter how long it takes to get my health back to normal, I know that God will be there with me. He will provide exactly what I need to get through it. And when it comes to singing, maybe I got it wrong. Maybe when I am worshiping I am worshiping the singing more than God Himself. Now that I can’t sing I have nothing to do but completely focus on God. I know some things still don’t make sense like why I have to deal with this in the first place, but I know that God is there with me. I won’t go through a bit of it alone. Praise be to God.